About living and diying

Life has eventualities in every corner. Unexpected events to which we are subject due to the total randomness of their events. We always imagine control and prevention factors that can or could exist, either to avoid them, to soften or to remedy them.

But eventualities are exactly these uncalculated potential events, unexpected and random situations that fill our weekly schedule, both for the tragic and the unfailing pleasure, without marking the most comfortable hours with us. They are not on any of our margins of possibility or risk. They are exactly the creativity of nature or destiny.

Death is not an eventuality, it is a certain fact. In truth, says the philosopher, the only one of the inevitable events. Containment and prevention strategies, in general, are quite efficient: Do not smoke, do not drink, do exercises, see your cardiologist, etc.

But, the fact is that a year ago, the cardiologist who followed all the preventive recommendations died in the gym, training, missed, I was very upset. On the other hand, the old smoker and semi-alcoholic, still alive at age 89, sizzling and sipping and giving work to the family. If life has eventualities, death does not.

To live what one has to live, leaving aside certain fears, certain restraints is, in essence, the justification of the perseverance of life. Failing to live the experiences of life to extend the time of it is not a viable equation. Fear can not be part of our strategies simply because one factor nullifies the other: To stop trying is to stop living, so it is not possible to stop living to live longer.

To be afraid, in essence, is to stop living for fear of dying. Locking up, limiting oneself, cowardly living oneself or hiding oneself, imply necessarily in the non-experience, in the not to live. They imply leaving aside the experience of existing, in the sense of trying to avoid what, in fact, is always inevitable. And if death is about the indefectible, life is simply about letting go, letting live, and experiencing every second of that inexorable, but not scheduled, end passage.

Another philosopher (for the time being I am myself) could say that in relation to death all cliches are true. Thus, no one will die from the day before or the day after your date of death. The Viking would say that “DESTINY IS INEXORABLE”, therefore, there is no possible escape. But, look, in this inexorability of fate, neither is confrontation possible. Dying is right, and living there, the best of possibilities.

“Letting the body goes” and letting oneself navigate in life, accepting eventualities without fear of death is an experience that seems to be indescribable. Osho talked a lot about her. In several books, retained from speeches he made in the 1980s, they speak precisely of this actual realization of death, of this certainty of death. And, they mark life as the certainty that must be lived intensely until the certainty of death. No attachment for the past, no fear of the future.

My father and my wife, two and three years ago respectively, received the most feared diagnosis of all: the diagnosis of cancer. It was possible to glimpse, at first, in both, the certainty of death. The inexorability of the defeat of life in front of its climax and also fateful. This certainty brought both of them a force of relentless struggle for the right to remain alive. They wanted nothing special (surf the world, set up an institution, none of it) just wanted to be able to live the daily life, the daily struggle. My father with his endless help to his patients and my wife with their creative exercise for everyday life. They would both say: enjoy life. In the meantime, innumerable healthy, undiagnosed ones came to confront the inevitable, but not predictable, day.

The experience with my two loved ones shows how much Osho was right. Accepting and receiving death as an absolute truth, gives us a commitment for life, gives us an appreciation for life. We create a bond, a bond with existence that enforces every second of existence.

The eventualities suffered or well lived, are part of LIFE and not of death. So navigating them is living them, accepting them is accepting life.

Come.

Sobre viver e morrer

A vida tem eventualidades em todas as esquinas. Eventos inesperados aos quais estamos sujeitos devido a total aleatoriedade de seus acontecimentos. Sempre imaginamos fatores de controle e prevenção que podem ou poderiam existir, seja para evita-los, ameniza-los ou remediá-los. Mas, eventualidades são exatamente esses eventos potenciais não calculados, situações inesperadas e aleatórias que recheiam a nossa agenda semana, tanto para o trágico quanto para o indefectível prazer, sem que marquem conosco os horários mais confortáveis. Não estão em nenhuma das nossas margens de possibilidades ou riscos. São exatamente a criatividade da natureza ou do destino.

A morte não é uma eventualidade, ela é um fato certo. Em verdade, diz o filósofo, o único dos eventos inevitáveis. Estratégias de contenção e prevenção, em geral, são bastante eficientes: Não fume, não beba, faça exercícios, consulte o cardiologista, etc.

Mas, o fato é que, há um ano, o cardiologista que seguia todas as recomendações preventivas faleceu na academia, treinando, deixou saudades, fiquei muito chateado. Por outro lado, a velhinha tabagista e semi alcóolatra, continua viva aos 89 anos, pitando e bebericando e dando trabalho para a família. Se a vida tem eventualidades, a morte não tem.

Viver o que é preciso viver, deixando de lado determinados medos, determinados freios é, em essência, a justificativa da perseverança da vida. Deixar de viver as experiências da vida para estender o tempo da mesma não é uma equação viável. O medo não pode fazer parte de nossas estratégias simplesmente porque um fator anula o outro: Deixar de experimentar é deixar de viver, portanto, não é possível deixar de viver para viver mais.

Ter medo, em essência, é deixar de viver por medo de morrer. Trancar-se, limitar-se, acovardar-se ou esconder-se, implicam necessariamente na não experiência, no não viver. Implicam em deixar de lado a experiência do existir, em função de tentar evitar o que, de fato, é sempre inevitável. E, se a morte é sobre o indefectível, a vida é simplesmente sobre deixar rolar, deixar viver e experimentar cada segundo dessa passagem de fim inexorável, mas não agendado.

Outro filósofo (por enquanto os dois sou eu mesmo) poderia dizer que, em relação à morte, todos os clichês são verdadeiros. Assim, ninguém vai morrer de véspera ou no dia seguinte de sua data de falecimento. Diria o viking que “O DESTINO É INEXORÁVEL”, portanto, não há fuga possível. Mas, veja, nessa inexorabilidade do destino, nem o enfrentamento é possível. Morrer é certo, e viver até lá, a melhor das possibilidades.

“Entregar o corpitcho” e se deixar navegar na vida, aceitando as eventualidades, sem medo da morte é uma experiência que parece ser indescritível. O Osho falava muito sobre ela. Em vários livros, retidos de discursos que ele fez nos anos 80, falam exatamente dessa constatação real da morte, dessa certeza da morte. E, marcam a vida como a certeza que deve ser vivida intensamente até a certeza da morte. Sem apego pelo passado, sem medo do futuro.

Meu pai e minha esposa, há dois e três anos atrás, receberam o diagnóstico mais temido de todos: o diagnóstico de câncer. Era possível vislumbrar, de início, em ambos, a certeza da morte. A inexorabilidade da derrota da vida frente ao seu ponto culminante e também fatídico. Essa certeza trouxe a ambos uma força de luta incessante pelo direito de permanecer vivendo. Não queriam nada de especial (navegar o mundo, montar uma instituição, nada disso) só queria poder viver por mais tempo o cotidiano, a luta diária. Meu pai com sua ajuda infindável aos seus pacientes e minha esposa com seu exercício criativo para a vida cotidiana. Diriam ambos: curtir a vida. Nesse ínterim, inúmeros saudáveis, não diagnosticados vieram a confrontar o inevitável dia certo, mas não previsível.

A experiência com meus dois amados, mostra o quanto o Osho estava certo. Aceitar e receber a morte como uma verdade absoluta, nos entrega a um empenho pela vida, nos entrega a um apreço pela vida. Criamos um vínculo, um laço com o existir que faz valer cada segundo da existência.

As eventualidades, sofridas ou bem vividas, são parte DA VIDA e não da morte. Então, navega-las é vive-las, aceita-las é aceitar a vida.

Que venham.

19 thoughts on “About living and diying

  1. That is a powerful read. Insightful and gives you a lot to think about. It is interesting how we all view life and death especially when there is an illness involved.

  2. Thank you for a well though out post on a difficult subject. They say there are only two certainties in life – death and taxes. You’re absolutely right that death is not an eventuality, it is a fact of life. Still, it’s not always easy to deal with when it affects those close to you.

    1. I like the profoundness of your thought. Death is a fact but a subject we so often avoid and fear. Nothing wrong with it but do not let the fear of it hamper you from living your life.

  3. So much to think about in this post. Please accept my deepest regret for the diagnosis of your wife and father. Yes, death is inevitable “the living are conscious that they will die” said one wise person. But there are other “realities”. Those we will save for a future discussion.

  4. Many people choose to ignore their own mortality and opt in for fantasies. Fear of dying should be confronted and a life lived with eyes wide open. I commend the attitude of your family and yourself in the face of such hardships.

  5. I myself is a strong believer of fate, we have a roadmap to fulfill and we are well built to whatever comes on our way. Living the life makes us more human. Accepting death will make us appreciate more about living.

    I’m sorry to hear about your wife and your dad.

  6. The truth about death is real. There is however, a group of people (a community) in Israel who are vegan, grow everything themselves, live totally green and think they will live for forever. Google it.

  7. Death is a terror of most people. It can’t be easily accept when one of our loved ones is suffering for their illness and suddenly dying from it.

  8. Live for happiness, not pleasure. Respect your body and never neglect it. There is only so much a body can take, don’t push it. Live life to the fullest and die with contentment in your heart.

  9. We have some cancer survivors in the family, and some who weren’t so lucky as well. All experienced the love of life you mention, and those who love them have felt it through them too.

  10. Hopefully everyone gets to read this so they know the value of their life and what they can do to bring more joy to others and live a life full of meaning.

  11. Something I heard from a youtuber who lost her brother was that you should consider writing your own eulogy. What would you want people to remember about you? How do you want people to see you? Live your life in a way that you would be proud of

  12. This post is so heart warming. I feel extremely whenever I think about the fact that we all gonna one day or just thinking about the fact that our loved ones are gone forever.

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